Over the weekend, I was away in Ohio for the first ever Relationship Reinvented retreat. For those that do not know, Relationship Reinvented is the coaching company I am certified through. Lee and Sherry are the two lovely and amazing bosses of RR, and I was so excited to finally meet them in person after working so closely with them for over a year. Last summer, I had just dropped out of my dietetic internship, and I was eager for a new venture. I considered various certification processes, but I had this feeling in the back of my mind to hold out. It all made sense when I found Lee and Sherry; I knew Relationship Reinvented was what I was waiting for.
Over the past year or so, I have gone through all but one of the coaching modules. I am officially a RR coach, listed on their website at relationshipreinvented.com. I have learned so much through my time with RR, not the least of which I have learned about myself. I was already on my spiritual path when I found Lee and Sherry, but I would have no idea how much further I could travel, how much deeper I could come to learn and know myself, and how much potential I knew myself to have. The thing about coaching is, you coach from your own perspective and life experiences. You coach from your own level of awareness and from what you, as an individual soul, have learned and picked up on. Those who have newly learned the message of the outside merely reflecting your own relationship with yourself may be quick to point this out in others, for example. The deeper you know yourself, the deeper you know and can help others.
For months now, I have been itching to go on vacation and a spiritual retreat, whether they were separate entities or one in the same. I trusted the universe and knew a situation would appear as I was ready for it. So, it was no surprise when two very spiritual getaways which doubled as vacation time presented themselves to me. First, I discovered a meetup for in5d.com, a website I have regularly visited since my spiritual awakening. The meetup is for their annual psychic conference with various guest speakers, many of whom I listen to or regularly follow on YouTube and various outlets. I knew I wanted to go, but being the meetup is in Sarasota, Florida, I was unclear on how this would come to fruition. Alas, this is why it is important to trust the universe. My boyfriend received time off from October 14 to the 23rd (the meetup is the 15th). Also, his parents have a beach house in Clearwater, which just, not so coincidentally, happens to be only an hour away from the conference. Needless to say, Michael and I have planned this trip and are very much looking forward to some getaway time, and for me, some spiritual time. We are even going on a mini cruise with various people and one guest speaker, Pamela Aaralyn, from the conference. I will also be meeting up with a new friend from Relationship Reinvented retreat I mentioned earlier and will now get into.
As I waited for Lee to pick me up from CVG airport, I did not exactly know what to expect, but I did know I was in the right place. I could already sense the loving energy from the gathering before I entered the premises. Lee picked me up from outside baggage claim, and I was so taken back by how strong his presence was in person. What strong energy! Two other girls were in the car when I hopped in: Saleema, a fellow coach who I knew from my RCC class, and Stacy, a non-coach but new friend. Saleema came out to give me a big hug, and Stacy was instantly sweet. As we arrived to the “Fortress of Solitude” as Lee and Sherry so amiably call their humble abode, I instantly noticed there was no time (or need) to go into small talk. The few who were already there, along with Stacy, Saleema, and me, all instantly dove into deeper, spiritually minded conversations. There was no holding back, need to hold back, or any feelings of judgment, and it was all so refreshing. As the retreat filled up with coaches and clients over the next days, it was so interesting for me to see the relationships the others were developing with each other as well as the relationships I was developing. It was clear: we were soul family. One interesting tidbit, I was the only attendee at the retreat who was not a self-proclaimed twin flame. I am on my own journey, and that journey does not presently involve the twin flame chaos. As I talked to everyone, I noticed they all found Lee and Sherry via the twin flame dynamic. For me, I was coming in with a totally different scenario. In this regard, I was unique, but it was very interesting to ponder that I was still in this space with all these people. I knew I was here for a reason, and I was prepared to soak it all in.
I came to the retreat for many reasons. I came to learn as much as possible and to be in the presence of likeminded people, allowing me a safe haven to be my authentic self. I came to have a three day getaway of nothing but love and healing experiences. I received exactly what I wanted and more.
Over the weekend, there were so many “a-ha” moments for others, moments of tears and deep healing and cleansing. “Lee got you” or “Lee is going to get you” became common phrases around the house. He just has this way of knowing exactly what to say, but it is not even what he says that provokes the healing. It is his presence alone, combined with his deep intuitive knowledge, that allows your inner child to spring forth and finally be seen and heard. He works actively from his heart center, forcing those in his presence to connect and do the same. At one point during the retreat, Lee said to me “We haven’t had the chance to talk yet! Oh, we will.” I knew he meant it, but I did not know what he had in mind. During one of our many group conversations, Lee asked us all how we nurtured our inner child. Instantly, I thought of Michael. I am a complete child with him. Our relationship is so playful and loving. I realized, more deeply in that moment than ever before, that that was a great reason and blessing why he was in my life. Later on in the kitchen, I told this to Lee. Without a second thought he said “Come with me.” Oh no, I thought. I had no idea what was coming nor a clue of how Lee arrived at his conclusion that I needed to go through something. He just knew.
Lee brought me into the other room where there was a full length mirror. Mirrors could be my best friend or greatest enemy, depending on the day. My longest and deepest struggle has been the struggle with myself, how I physically view myself, and my eating habits, having long overcome anorexia and bulimia but now facing anxiety and judgment when it comes to food and my body. I have done so much work spiritually, but I still faced this suffering when it came to how I view myself and my weight. My boyfriend thinks I have body dysmorphia, and bless his soul, he does everything to make me feel secure. But this acceptance of myself must not come from another; it must come from within.
Against what I wanted to do but know I needed to do, I faced the mirror. I felt hideous, and I started to feel physically red and hot from the anxiety. “This is really hard for me. I’m self-conscious,” I told Lee. “You’re self-unconscious,” he replied. Yes, I was. I cannot accurately portray the exchange I had with Lee nor what he said to me because it really was nothing about what he said. He kept asking me something, about where this judgment comes from. I stood in the mirror, puzzled. I really did not know. In that moment, it was like this great energy came into my heart chakra and ripped something out that no longer needed to be there. I burst down crying, and I was instantly embraced in the arms of Lee. He had me look at the mirror and smile, to embrace my inner child that long needed to be heard and come out. It was so uncomfortable. I was still fighting my reflection, but I did it, as best I could in that moment. “You and Michael are so connected,” Lee told me. “This is what you need to show him.” My authenticity. My truth. Prior to this exchange, I knew I had come a long way, and I knew how open and honest I always was with Michael. But in that tender moment, I knew how much deeper I could go. I released a giant layer in those moments of tears and surrender. It became clear that I had been prolonging my suffering through my own thoughts. I do not feel ugly or fat. I only think this. I was addicted to my own negative and harsh words of non-acceptance and judgment because that is what I had become attuned to. With Lee, my inner child could finally be heard and set free. What a powerful moment.
Going into the retreat, I had two main insecurities: the first about myself and all I just described, the second about the business I am trying to build up. Can I really do it? I feel I conquered a great deal over those short, worthwhile, and powerful three days in Ohio, relating to both my insecurities as well as more. For the great deal, I was out of my head, living in the present moment with many beautiful people. At times I felt overwhelmed by the crowd, so I did my best to honor myself and retreat to my spot in the basement, to journal out ideas, read, or, on one occasion, go to bed early. I had so many powerful exchanges and interactions with almost everyone in attendance. This was truly a healing three days for me. I witnessed so many healings, and I had my own healing. Most of all, I left feeling rejuvenated, re-inspired, and recommitted to my journey and my truth. I am a force to be reckoned with. I know this now.
Like clockwork, I can tell you we go through our struggles for a reason. In all times, it is to propel us forward and get us where we need to be, to force us to go deeper into ourselves, our wounds, and our truth. In many times, we go through struggles so that we can learn how to get out of them in order to help others in the same predicament. That is what I can gain through my battle with myself. Although I can track my body issues back to kindergarten when I was a skinny little thing grabbing my thighs on the classroom carpet telling a friend I wanted to lose this off my body, I am not sure what exactly made me a “match” to my current struggles and my story with eating disorders and body issues. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that my mother had her own struggles. But perhaps it goes much deeper. If I can fully and truly shed these layers, and I have already shed a great deal, who better than to help those who are in the same mindset as I once was, in the midst of body dysmorphia, eating disorders, or just negative self-thinking? For this I am committed to not only my journey, but to my truth, which is acceptance and unconditional love, so that I can help others in my situation.
I am so blessed to have gone on this retreat. I gained a great deal, but more importantly, I left behind even more. It is amazing what just three days can do for you and your well-being. Many spoke of being nervous to come, about not knowing others, but at the end of the day, we all knew we needed to be there. We were all a match to each other, in our own individual ways, but as a group, we are a force. I am still soaking in all that transpired through this retreat, and it is only three days until I will undergo even deeper healing when I fly off to Florida for eight days to meet more soul family. Ask and you shall receive, they say, and it is oh so true. Whatever you are going through at the moment, just know that you have the power to overcome. Know that you are going through this for a reason and for a season. Your pain is temporary, but it longs to be heard. It longs to be felt and embraced. It is this truth that will allow you to move through your pain into bliss and a greater understanding.
All my love,